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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27885544">I believe</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/althoughtheuniverse/pseuds/althoughtheuniverse'>althoughtheuniverse</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Bisexual Jeremy Heere, Christmas, Christmas Letters, Jeremy Heere is Shorter than Michael Mell, M/M, The Polar Express (inspired), slight spoiler warning for The Polar Express</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 15:47:36</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,687</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27885544</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/althoughtheuniverse/pseuds/althoughtheuniverse</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"How many bells have I passed in my life that I couldn’t hear ringing? How many opportunities did I waste because I didn’t believe?"</p><p>OR</p><p>The one where Jeremy and Michael write the occasional Christmas letter to one another and Michael's just hits different this year.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jeremy Heere/Michael Mell</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>26</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I believe</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hi everyone!<br/>I wrote this in like an hour - after I watched The Polar Express with my parents. I am aware that this movie is not everyone's...favourite...but seriously - go watch it anyways. It's super festive and the score alone is incredible!</p><p>Anyways, enjoy this short little Boyf Riends Oneshot and have a wonderful Christmas season (despite all that is going on in the world).</p><p>Annie</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Dear Jeremy.</p><p>Merry Christmas! I hope you and Christine are well. How is little Freddy doing? It’s been ages since I last saw the three of you.</p><p>Nothing exciting is happening over here to be completely honest. I’ve started working for a new law firm this last month and I think this is the place for me. Obviously not as good as programming the long overdue second installment of Apocalypse but those were teenage dreams anyway, right? The folks here are nice enough, my boss is relatively chill, and the workload is bearable. Nothing I couldn’t handle. Some bossy lawyer already came by and demanded to see some confidential files - I’ve never seen such an annoying person. Fortunately, we don’t get to see those guys a lot. We’re mostly by ourselves - a bunch of nerds with big dreams.</p><p>You know what I watched the other day? The Polar Express! I hadn’t seen that movie in ages!<br/>
Do you remember how often we watched it together when Christmas came around? Our parents must’ve been so mad when we blocked the TV for hours on end.<br/>
As I watched the movie, it made me think. When the little boy can’t hear the ringing of the bell, that had me wondering - how many bells have I passed in my life that I couldn’t hear ringing? How many opportunities did I waste because I didn’t believe?</p><p>Anyways, I’ll be delighted to hear from you soon (although we both know soon means probably next Christmas).</p><p>Have a very merry Christmas, Jeremy. Send Christine my love.</p><p>Michael.”</p><p>Jeremy lowered the letter, he watched Christine sitting near the Christmas tree, carefully trying to teach Freddy how to use his new toy car. He let his gaze wander over to the Christmas tree, big and beautiful. Every inch the perfect tree for a little family.</p><p>“I’m going to put Freddy in bed, he’s barely able to keep his eyes open. Be there in a minute,” Christine pressed a kiss to Jeremy’s forehead, while Freddy gave a little wave and put his head back on Christine’s shoulder.<br/>
“Good night big guy,” Jeremy stood up and kissed his son on the cheek. Christine smiled at him and made her way to the boy’s room.</p><p>It only took her about five minutes to return, the baby monitor in one hand, a glass of red wine in the other. She sat down in the old armchair opposite of Jeremy and took a sip from her wine.</p><p>“Happy with what Santa brought you this year?” she grinned.<br/>
Jeremy tried to smile back but his festive mood had become rather melancholic.<br/>
“What are you all sad about? It’s Christmas,” Christine raised an eyebrow.<br/>
“I still haven’t told him,” it was quiet, barely audible.</p><p>There was silence for a moment.</p><p>“What are you waiting for?” he knew it wasn’t really a question but thought about a good answer anyway.<br/>
“I don’t know,” it was all he could come up with.</p><p>“You already know everything I have to say to this, it’s about time Jeremy,” Christine took another sip of her red wine.<br/>
“I know,” he replied, and he meant it. He knew there was no logical explanation for stalling, but he did anyways.</p><p>“He watched The Polar Express lately,” it was a simple statement, he wasn’t even sure why he was telling Christine about it.<br/>
“That was ‘your movie’, right?”<br/>
“Mhm, we watched it every year. Several times,” Jeremy felt a warm feeling grow in his stomach as he remembered their time together. One year they had built a fort out of every pillow the Heere household owned and had begged his dad for an hour to be allowed to sleep there for the night.</p><p>“What else did he write?” Christine’s voice broke through his thoughts.<br/>
“He says merry Christmas and sends you his love,” he replied absent mindedly, reaching for the letter he had put on the little table in front of him.</p><p>“How many bells have I passed in my life that I didn’t hear ringing?” he read aloud, keeping his eyes on the words in front of him.<br/>
Christine hummed approvingly.<br/>
“What if I’ll never hear another bell ring because of one decision I made?”<br/>
“One decision doesn’t define you. Decisions aren’t final. They may seem like you can only make them once but really - it’s up to you how you handle them later on. You can go back on a decision if you want to. You can even ignore your own decision if it makes you unhappy. We both made a decision then and we both had it in us to make a new decision now. The bell doesn’t stop ringing because of one decision, in fact I believe it’s still ringing, you just aren’t listening,” Christine ended her monologue with her eyes trained on the Christmas tree.</p><p>“I think I have to…” Jeremy got up halfway before sinking back onto the sofa he had been sitting on.<br/>
“Go? Yeah, I think you really do,” Christine smiled at him and winked.<br/>
“Thank you, Christine. For everything,” he said sincerely.<br/>
“You’re welcome. Now go - if you start driving now, you’ll probably be there before Christmas ends,” Christine put her glass down and stood up, her arms opening for a hug.<br/>
“Thank you.”</p><p>-</p><p>It was 11:37 pm when Jeremy parked his car and got out into the cold December air. The house in front of him was dark, no Christmas decorations, no lights in any of the windows.</p><p>Still, he made his way to the front door, quickly scanning over the many names until finding the right one and pressing the button.</p><p>Nothing happened and he was about to press his finger to the button again when he heard a deep voice over the intercom.<br/>
“Hello?”<br/>
“Hi. It’s…it’s Jeremy. Jeremy Heere?”</p><p>Silence. Maybe he had pressed the wrong one accidentally. It was rather dark after all.</p><p>“Third floor, you’ll see it when you get there,” came out of the little speaker before the door made a buzzing noise and Jeremy could enter the hallway. It was cold, not only because it was December but because of the fluorescent lights that shed an uncomfortable white light.</p><p>A door stood open on the third floor and Jeremy carefully stepped inside after checking the name next to the doorbell twice.</p><p>He stood there, leaning against the doorframe of what looked to be the living room.</p><p>Jeremy took off his shoes and coat silently, placing them next to a pair of bright white sneakers.</p><p>“Hi,” he turned to look at the man in front of him.</p><p>Michael just nodded.</p><p>They stood there awkwardly, looking at each other, searching for some kind of reason or in Jeremy’s case for the right words.</p><p>“Why don’t we go into the living room? I’ll make us some tea,” Michael broke the silence and ushered Jeremy further inside.</p><p>After sitting down on a comfy sofa, Jeremy looked around. Michael had turned on one singular lamp, emitting a soft golden light. The shelves were full of computer science books, old comics, and seemingly random stuff. On the wall hung a large TV with several gaming consoles underneath.</p><p>“You still good with Darjeeling?” Michael asked as he entered the room with two mugs of steaming hot tea.<br/>
Jeremy could only nod and watch as the other placed the beverages on the coffee table and sat down on the other end of the couch.</p><p>It was silent again.</p><p>“Christine and I are divorced. Finalized it last month,” Jeremy blurted out which earned him a raised eyebrow from Michael.<br/>
“I got your letter. I read it. That’s why I’m here,” he added.</p><p>“It’s the middle of the night, Jeremy. We haven’t seen each other in two years. What are you doing here?”, Michael asked, sighing.</p><p>“I needed to see you, to show you, to tell you, that the bell…the bell it hasn’t stopped ringing. It’s still ringing, I mean, maybe we can’t hear it but that doesn’t mean it isn’t possible to hear it. I need to listen, then I can hear it. When you listen, you can hear things you weren’t hearing before, I mean…” Jeremy stopped. It had sounded so easy, when Christine had said all this stuff.</p><p>“I think we missed our chance. That bell stopped ringing long ago,” Michael’s voice sounded strained, like he was trying hard not to give away too much.<br/>
“But that’s the thing! It hasn’t! We just weren’t listening! You and I, Michael, I can’t tell you how sorry I am. Everything that has happened, I never wanted to lose us,” Jeremy looked at the man opposite him with pleading eyes.</p><p>“I’m sorry you and Christine broke up. How is Freddy handling it?” Michael asked after a short silence.<br/>
“He’s handling it well, I guess. I don’t live at the apartment anymore, but we try to make it work as best as possible. For his sake and ours. Me and Christine…we’re still friends,” Jeremy swallowed hard. Talking about it was still not easy for him, even though they had decided everything long ago.</p><p>“I don’t know if I can hear the bell ringing again, Jeremy,” Michael whispered, looking down at his hands.<br/>
“I know. It’s been a while since we heard it ringing. Maybe it really has stopped but how can we know for sure if we haven’t even tried?” Jeremy’s voice was desperate.</p><p>“You really came here just because I wrote about that old movie?” Michael got up from his place on the couch.<br/>
“Of course, how could I not?” Jeremy said, getting up himself, taking two steps towards his friend.</p><p>“Maybe we can try getting it to ring again,” Michael closed the gap between them with another step, leaving them face to face, bodies barely touching.<br/>
“Maybe we just have to believe,” Jeremy breathed, slowly looking up and into Michael’s warm brown eyes.<br/>
“Do you?” the taller man asked.<br/>
“Do I what?”<br/>
“Believe?”<br/>
“I believe.”</p><p>There wasn’t firework when their lips finally touched but deep down, in the back of his mind, Jeremy could hear a little bell ringing.</p>
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